Right now the world is just too much for me, I constantly have to worry about the fact that probably the entire world is going to collapse from the climate by the time I’ll even think about having kids, that all the money I save up won’t be worth nearly as much as it is right now when I need it, when I’m old. I just want to close my eyes and know that everything is going to be alright, just close my eyes and just stay there in the moment, but there is only one person that can make me feel like that, and I can only see her every other week at the moment, and I want to give her even just a little bit back of what she gives me but I don’t think I can do that because at the moment I’m constantly worried about shit and can’t relax and .. I don’t know. In theory this shouldn’t even be a problem because I always try to focus on the world around me, instead of the big world ahead, but this shit is going to impact the world around me and it already does. The world is a disgusting place, and a very beautiful place at the same time. Writing about it helps me get back on terms with this world. I could choose the ignore-everything-and-just-live-my-life route but then again that’s what everybody seems to be doing, ignore just the big problems and just focus on yourself, that’s why we got those big problems in the first place I think, people just focussing on themselves. But I don’t think protesting will change all that much, people care way too much about only themselves to change the world, at least the people with power do. And maybe I am wrong, that’s the other thing, I don’t even know wether my own point of view on this subject is right or wrong, I’m not informed enough to know it. I want to go with the “I just keep my own little world in check” but how do I know what’s “in check”. I should probably get informed or something, something that I thought about is just doing a little research on a topic each day, maybe just like half an hour or something.

I am also losing my willingness to talk about things, not because people react badly about it or something like that, just because I don’t have to hear their opinion on it I feel like. I don’t want to discuss those topics, I just want to get over them. This is not something good I think.

Anyway, that’s pretty much all I wanted to say for today. Have a great day :)