Fuck my Life, what am I gonna do. Everything started moving so fast so suddenly. It used to be a search for somebody to love. Now that I have found someone everything feels like it is set in stone, now there is a pre-defined path I can take. But I don’t want to follow pre-defined paths. What else am I going to do though? This is not like school where you can just drop out. There is no.. clear alternative to this life. This life of work-marry-work-kids-work-die. I want to fullfil my dreams, but what are my dreams. I don’t dream. I want to explore, but what is there left to explore? What is there to learn, when nothing has purpose. I know in 4 days this will no longer be a question, I’ll meet her again. She gives me the feeling of purpose. When I’m with her I no longer worry about any of this. She enables me to live in the moment. I don’t want to make her the center of my life because it could end at any moment. On the other hand, if it ends, everything will be like right now. But I don’t want this life, this life of just sitting in my room and doing something on my computer all day long. Spending all day talking to random strangers on the internet. Forming relationships.